“your face makes my eyes burn.”

English: Ryan Gosling at the 2010 Toronto Inte...

meet your BFF’s new man

Dear, friend. I have much to tell you.

LOL JK. I was trying to pull a Perks of Being A Wallflower here, but I can’t do it.

No but seriously, if you’re a teenage girl, woman, female, not a dude, or whatever, you’ve met him.

You know, him.

Your best friend’s new boyfriend.

Okay-so-like. You know how when she (your best friend) is all like, “I got myself a man!” and you’re like, “Since when?” and she’s all, “Since 2 weeks ago. We’re in love.” And you’re like, “But you’ve been dating for 2 weeks.” And she’s all, “Yeah, but we’ve been hanging out everyday, and we even had a web-cam date, and I’m pretty sure we’re getting married, and do you want me to name one of our future kids after you?”

Okay, fine. So it’s not that crazy, but it’s pretty close, and next thing you know, she says, “You have to meet him!” and you’re on the other line, thinking, “This has better be good.”

So you meet this dude, expecting he’s Ryan Gosling or something, and when you do, you might like him…or don’t.

What happens when you don’t like him?

This love story usually goes two ways:

a) You’re a judgmental freak, and you need to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, ’cause he’s really cool. Sure, he’s not your idea of prince charming. I mean, he laughs at his own jokes and forgets the FLUSH the freaking toilet, but he loves her, and she loves him, and there ain’t anything you can do about it, guuurlfriend.

b) You just know something’s up with him. The way he smiles, says her name, or how he eats a taco. You can’t help it, but his face makes your eyes burn more than dirty contact lenses do. But she’s so in love, and you decide to ignore it….until you see it. The way he looks at other girls, or the way he’s always texting a “friend”, or the way he eats a taco (with a fork!).

We always hope it’s the first way, but when it’s the second…that’s when discernment comes in.

Should I tell her how I feel about this? Does she notice what I’m noticing?  Is now REALLY a good time to tell her that I saw him flirting with her cousin?

This story, too, goes two ways:

a) You don’t tell her. You just wait it out, and then…BOOM. One night, she calls you on the phone, crying but sounding more like she’s choking, saying, “I CAUGHT HIM CHEATING WITH MY COUSIN!”

You knew you could have prevented this if only you just would have told her.

b) You do tell her, and she’s pissed. She thinks you’re being pessimistic, or worse, judgmental (NO DANG IT, I’M BEING DISCERNING, MEANWHILE WHILE YOU’RE OFF LIVING IN LALA LAND), and oh, yeah, you’re just jealous.

So what do you do?

Well, I’m not really sure. Because on one hand, you tell her, and she thinks you just don’t understand. But then you don’t, and she’s pissed you didn’t tell her and spare her.

You guys, it’s exhausting being a best friend.

But if there’s one thing I do know, is that being a friend is the important thing here, and part of being a friend is being her shoulder to cry on. Yeah, you (and everyone else) saw it from a mile away, but she didn’t, okay? Sometimes life gets like that. We all make stupid mistakes, and when we do, all we want then is someone to listen and eat ice cream with us. We don’t want to hear “I told you so”. All we want is to know we’ve got friends who’ve got our backs and are ready to comfort us…and kick our ex’s ass.

Thoughts: Have you ever been guilty of judging your best friend’s boyfriend a little too harshly, or is it just me? Do you think it’s ever a good idea to bud into your best friend’s relationship? Has your best friend’s boyfriend ever cheated on her with her cousin, or ate a taco with a fork?

the no-nonsense oddball,

Jennifer

Cat Food & Tampons.

Detail on the head of a tabby she-cat (Felis s...

I COMEZ TO EAT U NAO.

Some commercials really freak me out. Tampon commercials being one, but there’s also something else almost as freaky and that’s pet food commercials. You know, like the ones where people are having a conversation with their pets as if they’re human beings. Well, I don’t know if it’s a conversation exactly, but it’s just awkward and flippin’ weird to watch. (I also have no idea why I just used the word “flippin'”, since it makes me feel like I’m talking about mermaids.)

But then, while visiting a friend, I saw this:

Okay. I get you love your Miss Princess Furball and Mr. Whiskers, but seriously? Can’t you just like, give them a bite of tuna or something?

What advertisements/commercials freak you out?

What I’d Do If I Were Beyonce.

The music video, which incorporates J-Setting ...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I love Beyonce. I really do. She’s smart, classy, fabulous…and well, pretty amazing.

And, that’s exactly why I’d never want to be her.

See, if I were Beyonce, I’d start off my day by hopping in the shower and singing my lungs off to “If I Were A Boy”. Like, I’d sing so loud that even the birds outside would be jealous of what I’ve got goin’ on. Then I’d go over to my closet, put on a pretty sun dress with a Gucci bikini underneath (’cause, you know, I’d be Beyonce), and maybe even throw in some Jimmy Choo shoes and a fancy Louis Viutton handbag. I’d walk out of the house with some nice shades and a couple of granola bars. I’d get a taxi to take me to a beach, just for the fun of it. Plus, it would give the driver something to talk about when he got home to the wifey and munchkins.

Once I was at the beach, I’d walk up to some teenage boys and ask one of them to put sun tan lotion on my face and massage my feet. I’d play 20 questions with the guy and buy him an ice cream cone or something afterwards. Maybe I’d even stick a hundred-dollar bill and extra granola bar in his pocket, if he was lucky. But no pictures, please.

After that, I’d probably get hungry. So, I’d head on over to Burger King, order a couple of Big Macs, and when the person behind the counter told me that Big Macs were a McDonalds thing, I’d scream like a little witch and demand to speak to the manager. But when the manager would come, I’d just roll my eyes and walk out of that place, singing “Irreplaceable”, ’cause I’m too good for this crap.

Last, I’d make my way to the local mall. I’d chill around, just checking out stores. But eventually, I’d get bored. So I’d jump up on a table and start singing “Survivor” and “Single Ladies”. I’d show off my moves and give people something to talk about and put on YouTube. Things would get real crazy, and it would be all thanks to me.

In other words, I’d screw crap up for her.

If you could be any celebrity for a day, who would you be?