“your face makes my eyes burn.”

English: Ryan Gosling at the 2010 Toronto Inte...

meet your BFF’s new man

Dear, friend. I have much to tell you.

LOL JK. I was trying to pull a Perks of Being A Wallflower here, but I can’t do it.

No but seriously, if you’re a teenage girl, woman, female, not a dude, or whatever, you’ve met him.

You know, him.

Your best friend’s new boyfriend.

Okay-so-like. You know how when she (your best friend) is all like, “I got myself a man!” and you’re like, “Since when?” and she’s all, “Since 2 weeks ago. We’re in love.” And you’re like, “But you’ve been dating for 2 weeks.” And she’s all, “Yeah, but we’ve been hanging out everyday, and we even had a web-cam date, and I’m pretty sure we’re getting married, and do you want me to name one of our future kids after you?”

Okay, fine. So it’s not that crazy, but it’s pretty close, and next thing you know, she says, “You have to meet him!” and you’re on the other line, thinking, “This has better be good.”

So you meet this dude, expecting he’s Ryan Gosling or something, and when you do, you might like him…or don’t.

What happens when you don’t like him?

This love story usually goes two ways:

a) You’re a judgmental freak, and you need to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, ’cause he’s really cool. Sure, he’s not your idea of prince charming. I mean, he laughs at his own jokes and forgets the FLUSH the freaking toilet, but he loves her, and she loves him, and there ain’t anything you can do about it, guuurlfriend.

b) You just know something’s up with him. The way he smiles, says her name, or how he eats a taco. You can’t help it, but his face makes your eyes burn more than dirty contact lenses do. But she’s so in love, and you decide to ignore it….until you see it. The way he looks at other girls, or the way he’s always texting a “friend”, or the way he eats a taco (with a fork!).

We always hope it’s the first way, but when it’s the second…that’s when discernment comes in.

Should I tell her how I feel about this? Does she notice what I’m noticing?  Is now REALLY a good time to tell her that I saw him flirting with her cousin?

This story, too, goes two ways:

a) You don’t tell her. You just wait it out, and then…BOOM. One night, she calls you on the phone, crying but sounding more like she’s choking, saying, “I CAUGHT HIM CHEATING WITH MY COUSIN!”

You knew you could have prevented this if only you just would have told her.

b) You do tell her, and she’s pissed. She thinks you’re being pessimistic, or worse, judgmental (NO DANG IT, I’M BEING DISCERNING, MEANWHILE WHILE YOU’RE OFF LIVING IN LALA LAND), and oh, yeah, you’re just jealous.

So what do you do?

Well, I’m not really sure. Because on one hand, you tell her, and she thinks you just don’t understand. But then you don’t, and she’s pissed you didn’t tell her and spare her.

You guys, it’s exhausting being a best friend.

But if there’s one thing I do know, is that being a friend is the important thing here, and part of being a friend is being her shoulder to cry on. Yeah, you (and everyone else) saw it from a mile away, but she didn’t, okay? Sometimes life gets like that. We all make stupid mistakes, and when we do, all we want then is someone to listen and eat ice cream with us. We don’t want to hear “I told you so”. All we want is to know we’ve got friends who’ve got our backs and are ready to comfort us…and kick our ex’s ass.

Thoughts: Have you ever been guilty of judging your best friend’s boyfriend a little too harshly, or is it just me? Do you think it’s ever a good idea to bud into your best friend’s relationship? Has your best friend’s boyfriend ever cheated on her with her cousin, or ate a taco with a fork?

the no-nonsense oddball,

Jennifer