I love Beyonce. I really do. She’s smart, classy, fabulous…and well, pretty amazing.
And, that’s exactly why I’d never want to be her.
See, if I were Beyonce, I’d start off my day by hopping in the shower and singing my lungs off to “If I Were A Boy”. Like, I’d sing so loud that even the birds outside would be jealous of what I’ve got goin’ on. Then I’d go over to my closet, put on a pretty sun dress with a Gucci bikini underneath (’cause, you know, I’d be Beyonce), and maybe even throw in some Jimmy Choo shoes and a fancy Louis Viutton handbag. I’d walk out of the house with some nice shades and a couple of granola bars. I’d get a taxi to take me to a beach, just for the fun of it. Plus, it would give the driver something to talk about when he got home to the wifey and munchkins.
Once I was at the beach, I’d walk up to some teenage boys and ask one of them to put sun tan lotion on my face and massage my feet. I’d play 20 questions with the guy and buy him an ice cream cone or something afterwards. Maybe I’d even stick a hundred-dollar bill and extra granola bar in his pocket, if he was lucky. But no pictures, please.
After that, I’d probably get hungry. So, I’d head on over to Burger King, order a couple of Big Macs, and when the person behind the counter told me that Big Macs were a McDonalds thing, I’d scream like a little witch and demand to speak to the manager. But when the manager would come, I’d just roll my eyes and walk out of that place, singing “Irreplaceable”, ’cause I’m too good for this crap.
Last, I’d make my way to the local mall. I’d chill around, just checking out stores. But eventually, I’d get bored. So I’d jump up on a table and start singing “Survivor” and “Single Ladies”. I’d show off my moves and give people something to talk about and put on YouTube. Things would get real crazy, and it would be all thanks to me.
In other words, I’d screw crap up for her.
If you could be any celebrity for a day, who would you be?